Overprotectiveness

Overprotectiveness of Parents May Limit Opportunities For Their Handicapped Children

by Howard and Sylvia Lenhoff
Costa Mesa and Crescent City, CA, USA

Parents of mentally handicapped or rather "mentally asymmetric" children (see Ability Network, Vol. 3, pp. 15-16, 1995) are concerned about suitable employment for their children as they get older. Unfortunately, most work situations offered them are limited to assembling piece-work; custodial, chamber maid, and yard work activities; dish washing, and the like. As parents we also may limit our adult children's training and employment options by advocating work that we perceive to be built on their strengths and not on their serious weaknesses. One area of weakness, especially with children having Williams syndrome (Ws), as does our daughter Gloria, is in the realm of mathematics. Thus, the idea of Gloria working as a cashier seemed far-fetched to us. Our recent experiences to the contrary prompted us to write the following for parents of children with Ws. It may also apply to your child.

Most of us tend to be overly protective of our Williams syndrome (Ws) children, trying to shelter them from suspected harm, or from experiences that we believe may set them up for disappointment and failure. We sense that kind of protectiveness in many parents of young Ws children who are reluctant to give their children music lessons for fear that they will not succeed. And that is exactly how we felt when the counselors at the Del Norte Association for Disability Services (DNADS) at our part-time residence in northern California told us that they were training Gloria, now 40, to serve as a cashier in their Thrift Store.

We know that Gloria, IQ about 65, though she can memorize songs in over 20 languages, has difficulties when it comes to adding 5 plus 3. No matter how hard we have tried, and no matter how many skilled educators have worked to train Gloria in arithmetic, she simply could not master the basic principals of addition, subtraction, or the fundamental concepts of "more" and "less." So Gloria become a cashier? No way, we thought, but we will let the DNADS counselors try. "Boy, will they be disappointed," we presumed.

They were not disappointed, and we were surprised. When we picked Gloria up from work, we would sometimes arrive earlier to do a little shopping at the Thrift Store, and, out of the corner of our eye, watch Gloria. Not once did she make a mistake. So we bought items arranging it so that the change would be in some complex amount. Again she gave correct change with the inimitable Ws wide smile from ear to ear.

When we went into stores or restaurants, Gloria often went up to the cashiers to tell them that she too was a cashier. You could see how proud she was, that her self-esteem was way up because she knew that she had always had trouble with mathematics.

Conclusion? It is we, her parents, who had the hang up. In today's world, making change has nothing to do with mathematics. It is like saying that the operation of computers is very mathematical, and that you need to be a mathematician to use the computer. If that were true, I (HL) would not be sitting at my word processor typing this article, because, although I am a scientist, mathematics is not one of my strengths. It certainly is not Sylvia's.

What are we trying to say? Much of our training in mathematics is by rote. We memorize addition and subtraction of simple numbers; we memorize the multiplication tables. Furthermore, most present-day cash-registers are computerized so that the transactions are relatively simple.

Remember, Gloria to this day does not comprehend the difference between more and less. So how is it that she is an effective cashier? (1) In her case, the prices in the Thrift Store are always in fives and tens, so the smallest piece of change required would be a nickel. No pennies are used, but we do not think they would be a problem because Gloria can count using her fingers.

(2) She was taught by the staff at DNADS to read the prices on the merchandise being purchased, to enter each item on the cash-register, and to get a sub-total. Then she tells the customer of the charge, and receives the payment, usually in larger bills, and then enters the amount she received. She presses another button, and it tells her how much change to give the customer.

(3) Gloria has memorized simple change calculations, such as one quarter is twenty five cents, two quarters are fifty cents, etc., and she can do the same with dimes. We helped her out by giving her a table listing the ways to calculate by fives every coin combination from $ 0.05 to $ 0.95. She was able to memorize this table by rote just as we memorized our additions in grammar school. But she still has difficulties in understanding that two nickels make a dime. Going from a dime to ten cents, a nickel to 5 cents, and a quarter to 25 cents is still difficult for her. Some of your children are higher functioning than Gloria, and some are lower functioning; thus, you will find differences in their responses.

(4) For the past year Gloria has been enjoying her "new" used Apple IIGS computer. One learning game that she plays frequently is called "Money," and it presents many simple problems dealing with the addition of quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies. Perhaps this experience with the computer helped prepare her to being trained to make change.

(5) Although the cash-register where Gloria works simply tells you how much change to give, others now available, like ones in many supermarkets, even automatically give the customer the correct change in coins, and the cashier gives the change in bills, a much easier situation not only for our children, but for all cashiers.

(6) Finally, we would point out that a counselor stands by Gloria as she makes the calculations, and, at the same time, wraps the items for the customers. The first week Gloria needed much supervision, but a week later the counselor told us that she felt Gloria does so well, that she is comfortable to let Gloria handle the cash-register and wrapping alone for significant periods and has. Gloria knows that if she has problems, the counselor is nearby and can be called.

There was an important lesson to us in this experience. It made us realize that as protective parents, we may be denying our children opportunities that we never would have dreamed were possible, and that these opportunities can do wonders for the self-esteem of our children. The only other advice that we would give to parents is: Do not think that this experience as a cashier will suddenly make your child understand mathematics; if you do you will be in for many a frustrating and disappointing time.

Now that we are so pleased that Gloria works and gets paid for being a cashier, we learned last week (May 26, 1995) that the Thrift Shop will close in a week because the management believes that it does not offer sufficient positive work experience for large numbers of their clients. As we return to our home in southern California where Gloria, a highly accomplished soprano and accordionist, will concentrate more on her music again, we have been assured by the management of DNADS that they are thinking of Gloria and that when she returns to northern California next fall, they want to train her for work in an office as a receptionist-clerk answering and directing phone calls, filing, etc.

What? Our Ws daughter an office worker? Before we jump to conclusions, our recent experience tells us to wait and see, to give her a chance. We were pleasantly surprised this spring when Gloria was being trained to become a cashier. She eagerly awaits her return to DNADS in the fall to try something else new.

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